Anger Management
by Jaggedlightning has a Bazooka
Summary: Firestar forces Jayfeather into an anger management class. Jayfeather's not going to cooperate...****Parody with OOCness becasue its a parody XDDDD**** ALL FLAMES/CC ARE WELCOME!
1. Chapter 1

**Lol hey guys it's me JL :D I haven't really been writing for a while…Just reading the awesomescauce fics amazing writers are writing! Ok so my friend and I LOVE the warriors series, and we both love parodies XDDD so we came up with the idea of Jayfeather being forced into an anger management class :D… Because he seriously needs some anger management :P like my other parody "Wild Night Playing Xbox" this is a parody too so expect OOCness because it's a parody :D if you guys like this fic, it will turn into a weekly updated fic for the whole year XDD so enjoy this plot bunny :D By the way, there is a MAJOR spoiler in this authors note so if you haven't read the warriors power of three or anything past the warriors book titled "Long shadows" then stop reading this authors note and start reading the fic. For those of you still reading this, Jayfeather and his siblings DO NOT know that Leafpool is really their mother, therefore Leafpool is still medicine cat just thought I'd point that one out :P**

"Jayfeather, you need some anger management." Firestar stated as they sat in his den. He had wanted to talk to Jayfeather early that morning to address some of his issues; Jayfeather was usually a very irritated cat and often liked to yell and snap at the other cats. "Yeah, your _point_ exactly?" Jayfeather retorted.

"Your too irritated and angry all the time, you haven't gotten a decent night's sleep this whole moon. Your more on edge and irritated than usual. If you take time to release your anger, you won't be so irritated all the time!" Firestar replied.

"What do you mean _**irritated?**_ This is how I've acted since I was a kit! I think you should calm down and quit shoving your nose in my business!" Jayfeather shouted at Firestar. "I'm telling you Jayfeather, as your leader, you _**will**_ go to an anger management class whether you like it or not!" Firestar yelled back.

"Make me. Besides, who will be the cat I talk to? It's not like there is a cat who will want to listen _**or**_ knows what to do! So your little 'Anger Management Class' idea just went down the drain, so you can__shut UP!"

"That's it! 3 moons of anger management!" Firestar shouted.

"LETS MAKE IT 5!" Jayfeather replied.

"Ok, 5. 5 moons of anger management! And you don't even want to KNOW the cat that you go to will be!"

"WHATEVER! You can't make me go! No cat can make me go! I can only make myself go and you can't stop me!"

"Ok, let's make it 9 moons then! Geez Jayfeather, I never knew you could be this ugly!"

"I don't care! I do what I want, when I want!" Jayfeather was getting angrier now he just was NOT going to an anger management class! He could take care of himself he was a medicine cat for crying out loud! "And why didn't Yellowfang need anger management class huh?" Jayfeather asked, now irritated.

"There is an exception to her! She was OLD, and she could actually be NICE at times!"

"SO? She can be just as ugly as me…sometimes." Jayfeather huffed; obviously he was beginning to lose the argument.

"Yes, but she wasn't angry all the time!"

"I DON'T CARE! YELLOWFANG IS NOT ME! SHE WILL NEVER BE ME! GET IT. THROUGH. YOUR HEAD."

"Ok, Jayfeather, let's make that 12 moons of anger management! Does there need to be more?" Firestar now fed up stated, he really didn't want to make it more anymore moons, but Jayfeather was just so angry, it seemed as though he needed more.

At Firestar's statement, Jayfeather snapped. With a yowl of rage Jayfeather let out all he could at Firestar. He simply could not go to an anger management class! He didn't need it! "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M THE MEDICINE CAT WHO WILL BE THE MEDICINE CAT THEN HMMM? THIS IS STUPD FIRESTAR! STUPID! I DO NOT NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT AND THAT IS FINAL!" Jayfeather was in a fit of rage now, he started picking up rocks and chucking them at Firestar, or course he missed, because he's blind, and instead they hit the wall where they shattered. He also began scratching Firestar's moss bed with his claws and ripping it up.

"Actually, you are Leafpool's _apprentice_."

Firestar replied as he just stood there watching, twitching his whiskers and dodging a few stray rocks that went at him. "See Jayfeather? You just chucked a rock at the wall and made the rocks shatter, you killed innocent rocks!"

"IT'S JUST A STUPID ROCK! It's not like they are even alive you idiot!" Jayfeather snarled as he picked up more rocks and threw them into the clearing hitting random cats who had just awoken below. Firestar was fed up with Jayfeather's angry outburst. He had never seen Jayfeather so angry. He called for Lionblaze and Brambleclaw. Who came quickly to see what the matter was. The first thing Lionblaze saw was his brother in a fit for rage acting like an angry kit. "Get him out of here." Firestar ordered. The two cats nodded and lionblaze grabbed Jayfeather by the scruff and drug him out with Brambleclaw close behind.

"Oh my starclan, GET OFF OF ME!" Jayfeather screeched as he was dragged out of the camp.

"THIS ISN'T THE LAST YOU'LL SEE OF ME! I WILL RETURN WITH MY STICK OF DOOM! YOU WILL ALL PAY!" Jayfeather screamed as cats stood and stared at Jayfeather in awe.

"Let me GO you piece of fox crap!" Jayfeather yelled at his brother randomly throwing various objects at him. Sticks, rocks, pine straw, the easy button, and a hunk of Swiss cheese. NOTHING was working.

**(Epicsauce line-break thing)**

"Leafpool! I want you in my den NOW." Firestar shouted to his daughter obviously angry from Jayfeather's outburst.

"Yes Firestar?" Leafpool asked; curious from all the yelling that went on earlier that sunrise.

"I need a favor from you. I need you to spend some time with Jayfeather, see what is bothering him, and try to fix it. I'm getting fed up with him being angry all the time. I need you to _please_ fix this. Can you do that Leafpool?"

Leafpool, in shock, replied; "Yes, of course Firestar, how long will this be going on?"

"We can talk about that later. Lionblaze and Brambleclaw drug him out of the camp to calm him down. They should be somewhere in the forest."

"Right…" Leafpool replied.

"Good luck…" Firestar replied.

**End of chappie! Ok…so that was DEFINETELY not my best…not at all…its somewhere between borderline serious, and parody, but it will be more of a parody as the fic progresses XDDD so tell me if it sucked or tell me if I did good. And if you haven't read my other fic "Wild night playing Xbox" go read that one, and leave a review, all my reviewers love it so you might too :D**

**~JL**


	2. Chapter 2

**Another chappie for ANGER MANAGEMENT XDDDDD not much to say…. But welcome one of my new muses, JAYFEATHER MUSE :D **

**Jayfeather: Um, hi.**

**Me: Say it!**

**Jayfeather: Say what?**

**Me: Teh disclaimer!**

**Jayfeather: Nah, I have a freaking ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASS TO ATTEND. So no thank you.**

**Me: -.-…I'll pay you 20 bucks**

**Jayfeather: FINE! Jagged lighting does not own Warriors…**

**Me: that's what I'm talking about.**

**Enjoy lol…**

"You shall do as I say, TAKE ME BACK TO THE CAMP RIGHT NOW!" Jayfeather screamed at his brother and the Thunderclan deputy.

"This is for your own good, Jayfeather, and whether you like it or not, you WILL go through with it whether you like it or not!" Lionblaze yelled at his brother.

"I completely agree with Lionblaze and Firestar!" Brambleclaw added as Jayfeather struggled in Lionblaze's grip.

"I NEED MY STICK I MUST PLOT MY REVENGE!" Jayfeather screamed and tried to get away from Lionblaze.

"NO! You will stay right here until Leafpool comes now stay still!" Lionblaze shouted at Jayfeather. Jayfeather went still from shock, LEAFPOOL; the annoying Leafpool was going to force him to talk about his 'feelings'. This made him go insane. "NO NOT LEAFPOOL NO! STICK! WHEREVER YOU ARE HELP ME!" Then out of nowhere appeared Jayfeather's stick; his stick came and wacked Lionblaze and Brambleclaw in the face. Lionblaze, being Mr. indestructible over there, wasn't fazed by the stick's move and kept holding on to Jayfeather. "STICK, you shall cometh to me!" Jayfeather yelled at his stick.

Then his stick started magically floating to him. Right when Jayfeather got a hold of it, it exploded in flames, where it slowly burned to black ash. Jayfeather's eye twitched, and then he let out a yowl that could be heard from across the lake. "MY STICK!YOU IMBISLE THAT WAS MY ONLY HOPE FOR REVENGE!" Jayfeather screamed.

That's when Leafpool showed up.

**(LINE BREAK :D)**

The moment Leafpool showed up Jayfeather knew he was in trouble. He started screaming "NO DON'T LEAVE ME HERE WITH HER NOO!" as Lionblaze and Brambleclaw left Jayfeather alone with Leafpool. For a while they just sat there by the lakeside, staring at each other… "Awk-ward…." Jayfeather stated to no one in particular.

"Hello, Jayfeather." Leafpool calmly said.

"Hey…um hi…can I leave now?"

"No."

"Darn."

"Firestar told me to spend some time with you as part of your so-called 'anger management class.' " Jayfeather gulped.

"So…Tell me, what's bothering you?" Leafpool continued.

"Um…my stick exploded…" Jayfeather sighed.

"Well um-"

Leafpool didn't finish because Jayfeather started rolling hysterically on the ground shouting "My stick! My stick! Never…. Never happy again…" Ok…that's just plain creepy.

Leafpool, totally ignoring Jayfeather, said "Ok well today to start we shall finger paint to get your anger out. Then out of absolutely no where at all, Leafpool pulled out paper and paint and threw them at Jayfeather. "NOW PAINT BLIND CAT PAINT!" Jayfeather scowled at her and started painting.

When he was done, he showed the picture to Leafpool….it was…um…a picture of a twoleg riot policeman holding an angry bird….wow… then Jayfeather screamed. "WHERE ARE THE TURTLES?" at Leafpool who just shrugged. "WHERE ARE THEY?" Jayfeather yelled. This was definitely a weird anger management class…

Jayfeather then began painting again…this time he came up with Stewie and Louis fighting each other in the oval office with miniguns…"Ok…I think that's enough painting…" Leafpool stated. "NO WAIT!" Jayfeather yelled. "This is you." Jayfeather pointed at Louis. "This is me." Jayfeather said pointing at Stewie. Then he busted out laughing.

Leafpool twitched uncomfortably in her spot. "Jayfeather, where's the catnip I want it _now._" Jayfeather held out a pawful of catnip and threw it in Leafpool's face and climbed up a tree. Leafpool should have known Jayfeather was high on catnip. The way he was acting instead of yelling about his anger, was atrocious. It was just not Jayfeather. Then Jayfeather yelped as he slipped and fell out of the tree and landed on his back on a pinecone. "OW! STUPUD PINECONE!" Jayfeather screamed as he picked the pinecone up and threw it at Leafpool. Jayfeather ran off towards the camp. Leafpool face-palmed herself and began sprinting to the Thunderclan camp.

**(Line breaaaaak)**

Jayfeather ran inside the camp and passed all the cats and shoved a few out of his way and ran into his den. He grabbed more catnip and shoved it into his mouth while chugging a monster energy drink. Then he ran out of the camp, past Leafpool, back to the spot they were previously in, scrambled up his tree and sat there; waiting for Leafpool to return.

Leafpool had seen Jayfeather sprint past her and back the way she came. Again, she face-palmed, and began running back. "Ok Jayfeather, absolutely no more catnip, understand?"

"NOPE." Jayfeather said loudly.

"Firestar doesn't pay me enough to do this job…" Leafpool said under her breath. Then Firestar popped out of nowhere and exclaimed "I'M NOT PAYING YOU AT ALL!" and left. Today was very awkward…very awkward indeed…

**Short…not very funny/parodyish like some of my other stories…bleh I ended up googling anger management worksheets and quizzes to get ideas for the story I took a quiz and one of the topics was assault (like if someone throws a punch at you and hits you, you fight back. Stuff like that) the high score for that category was 6 and I scored 11…Eh that was….Bleh…anyway review and tell me how you liked it, this story will get better, but right now I just started so it's not going to be as funny XDD. Goodnight. (Or good morning…or afternoon…or evening…wherever you are XD)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi here's another chapter cuz obviously you guys like this story, also don't favorite or alert without reviewing first! It only takes like 30 seconds of your time XDD**

**Also, I do not own Warriors, or the 'Pilot G-2 10' pen. Or monster energy LOL however, I do own this story and plot. Soooo**

**© Jagged lightning productions 2010-2012 XDXDDD**

**Enjoy…**

"_**Jayfeather you noob!**_" Firestar screamed at the top of his lungs. They had been playing Xbox on Xbox Live and Jayfeather kept spawn killing Firestar. Jayfeather was using his anger on Firestar over Xbox Live to get back at him. And frankly, it was working. Then, Firestar, Yellowfang, and Sandstorm ganged up on Jayfeather and killed him all at the same time. This made Jayfeather angry. Jayfeather took his controller and beat it open with a hammer, while Firestar began laughing hysterically.

Jayfeather, bored, opened up his mini fridge he stole from Firestar (**A/N: this is a reference to 'Wild Night Playing Xbox' read it to find out how he got the mini fridge!)** and opened up one of those huge cans of monster energy that were meant for like 3 people and started chugging it. While he was chugging it, Leafpool just so happened to come in, wondering what the crushing noises were from. (Jayfeather killing his remote…)

When Leafpool saw Jayfeather chugging that can of monster, she immediately freaked out and began hyperventilating. "_**Jayfeather!**_ You are going to give yourself a HEART-ATTACK!" she screamed, she ran over and grabbed it from him and threw it out of the den.

"HEY!" Jayfeather exploded. "THAT WAS MINE!" He finished.

"You will give yourself a heart attack drinking it that fast!" Leafpool responded.

"Your point?" Jayfeather asked.

"UHMMM…I don't want you to have a heart attack and die?"

"Yeah, uh, I don't think anyone does. Except maybe Breezepelt..." Jayfeather shrugged.

"Well it's time."

"What time? I didn't know cats even had a sense of time…" Jayfeather stated attempting to change the subject.

"You know, _that _time."

"I still don't know what time you're talking about there are many different times you know, like gathering time, and moonpool time, and um, sleeping time, and herb gathering time, and training time, because right now it's Xbox time." Jayfeather said, attempting to sound educated.

"Well come on then, let's go." Leafpool said, fighting to keep her voice steady, grabbing Jayfeather's scruff and starting to drag him out of the den.

"NOOO I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT IN THE HUNGER GAMES!YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! STICK! WHERE ARE YOU?" Jayfeather screamed.

"YOU ARE DOING THIS CLASS AND YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT!" Leafpool yelled, dragging a struggling Jayfeather away out of the camp.

**(LINE BREAK!XDXDDDDD)**

"Ok Jayfeather, here is an anger management test for you to take. The categories are: Negativism, Resentment, Indirect Hostility, Assault, Suspicion, Irritability, and Verbal Hostility. Take as much time as you need. Go."

Jayfeather's eye twitched out of pure irritation, "_Ok, yeah, I have to take some stupid anger management test like some stupid kit! I'M NOT A KIT!_" Jayfeather thought. Suddenly, he heard what sounded like a Windclan patrol coming, which consisted of Ashfoot, Crowfeather, Nightcloud, and Breezepelt. (**A/N: OHH YES I JUST DID :D)** "Hey, Leafpool, look, its Breezepelt, can we go to Windclan and burn his house down?" Jayfeather whispered.

"WHAT?" Leafpool exploded; and immediately regretted it and clamped a paw over her mouth and dove into some bushes with Jayfeather. Breezepelt looked in the direction that Leafpool and Jayfeather were previously; and tasted the air. "_Thunderclan._" He thought.

(**LINES! LINES! LINES!**)

"I'm done with the test Leafpool…" Jayfeather stated, handing the paper to Leafpool. Then, Leafpool took out a pen and began to grade it.

"*GASP* IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?" Jayfeather screamed.

Leafpool looked up. "Uhmmm what?"

"YOU ARE USING A PILOT G-2 10 PEN THE MOST AWESOMESCAUSE PEN IN THE WORLD!" Jayfeather screamed again.

"Awk-ward….Uh, Jayfeather, it's just a pen you know and- WHAT?" Leafpool was cut off when Jayfeather suddenly disappeared…

Jayfeather was running as fast as he could back to camp. He simply HAD to have monster energy. He would run into his den, open his fridge, and take out one of those really small energy shots, **(A/N: Those really small bottles of Monster Energy that have like 3,000 grams of the stuff that gives you all the energy or something XD.)** Open it with a bottle opener, drink it, run back to the lake, throw it in the lake to get rid of evidence, and go right back to the place where he was. YES THAT WOULD WORK!

Jayfeather ran through the camp, ripped open his mini fridge, opened the bottle, drank it in two gulps, and took is with him as he sprinted back to the lake. Then he threw it into the lake, and dashed back to the place they were previously at.

(**Line break…)**

Leafpool was running towards the camp when she saw a flash of blue next to her. Sighing, she turned tail and began chasing it. Jayfeather patiently sat in the bushes waiting for Leafpool's return. When Leafpool came back, she screamed "WHERE'D YOU GO?"

"Uh, no where…I've been sitting here…the whole time…I saw you randomly run off and thought- what the fox crap? So I just sat here and waited for you." Jayfeather had apparently thought up a good excuse because Leafpool ACTUALLY bought it! "Ok, well let's finish grading that test then…" Leafpool trailed off and began grading the test again.

These were Jayfeather's scores:

Negativism- 4 out of 5.

Resentment- 5 out of 5

Indirect Hostility- 3 out of 5

Assault- 10 out of 5 **(LOL)**

Suspicion- 4 out of 5

Irritability- 4 out of 5

Verbal Hostility-11 out of 5 **(LOL)**

"Wow Jayfeather, *sigh* we have a lot to work on during these 12 moons…" Leafpool stated.

"Yeah, no chiz…" Jayfeather retorted.

**END XDDD how did you like it? Like it or Hate it, leave me a review and tell me what you thought. BY THE WAY*****…This chapter is dedicated to my friend, Collins Dixon. He died yesterday on the date of 1/14/12 around 1:00 PM he had suffered from a cancerous brain tumor for about a year and so he died yesterday to be with God, he believed in God and Jesus, and practically dedicated his short-lived life to God. He was 13 (my age) and so pray for his family because it's really sad to lose a brother, son, and good friend of mine, but he is in a better place now. God bless him and his family. ON A HAPPIER NOTE….NO it was not swiftclaw777 she is one of my other friends that I know in real life XDD anyway, yes I do in fact limit my monster energy intake, to only a few every few months. I haven't had a single energy drink in about 6 months. I only drink monster for the taste and not the energy part :P I have also never had one of those mini energy shots like Jayfeather had, but swiftclaw777 has so you will have to ask her about those XD UH, bye for now! REVIEW!**


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